Dalam sebuah diskusi diwarung makan 'Flamboyan' didaerah Pandega. Penulis bertanya pada seorang rekan apa yang membuat seseorang kehilangan rasa cinta. Penulis yang sudah makan asam garam dalam petualangan cintanya menyimpulkan bahwa salah satu kegagalan dalam hubungan 'pacaran' adalah dikarenakan hilangnya rasa cinta. Hilangnya rasa cinta atau 'ilfil' (ilang feeling) dalam bahasa gaul adalah alasan terbesar seseorang atau malah sepasang orang yang dilanda asmara (pacaran) untuk putus
Pernah ada sebuah situasi dimana Wati (contoh) yang sudah berpacaran selama 2 bulan dengan Tono (contoh juga) mengungkapkan bahwa dia sudah gak punya feeling apa-apa lagi dengan Tono, kontan Tono sewot karena dia sudah 'I Live my Life for You'-nya Mr.Big sama Wati. Satu hal lagi, Wati ternyata tidak menjalin hubungan dengan lelaki laen. Situasi ini membuat Tono muakin sewot karena tidak adanya orang yang bisa disalahkan.
Kasus diatas adalah contoh kecil dimana ilfil bisa menjadi legitimasi seseorang untuk berhenti menjalin hubungan dengan seseorang. Hal ini menggelitik isi kepala penulis, kenapa hal ini bisa terjadi? faktor-faktor apa yang menyebabkan feeling seseorang bisa hilang? walaupun pertanyaan apa yang membuat seseorang punya feeling kepada kita juga sama sulitnya. sampe-sampe The Coors bilang 'What can i do to make you love me'
Dalam perspektif yang lebih luas, penulis juga semakin bertanya-tanya. Bagaimana kalo kasus 'ilfil' yang sulit dijelaskan ini terjadi dalam lembaga yang lebih sakral dan tertutup, misalnya pernikahan, bagaimana jika seorang istri telah kehilangan cinta kepada suaminya? apakah hubungan mereka terus dipaksakan?
meneruskan hubungan yang dipaksakan juga penulis rasa mustahil, karena yang terjadi adalah ketidaknyamanan, hidup dalam kepura-puraan dan keterpaksaan. Penulis jadi teringat pernyataan rekan makan dipecel lele tadi.
Bahwa 'Dalam suatu pernikahan, rasa cinta itu akan hilang dengan sendirinya, yang tersisa adalah rasa respect dan penghargaan kpd pasangannya' kalau penulis boleh tambahkan, yang tersisa adalah tekanan dan tanggung jawab membesarkan anak dan proteksi kultural dari masyarakat.
Kalau sudah begini, kalau cinta sudah pasti akan hilang, apa yang akan kita kejar?
Anjar Priandoyo
~yang sedang mempelajari makna cinta~
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4 comments:
cinta hilang karena hilangnya sebab..hehehe
tp kan g smua kjadian kayak gitu...banyak juga kan kisah yg dimulai dengan tnpa adanya cinta dr masing2 pihak...dimana cinta malah tumbuh dengan berjalannya waktu..
e cinta tu apa sh??klo menurutku cinta adalah rasa membutuhkan...yya kalo pasangan tidak bs mmenuhi apa yg dibutuhkan..cinta akan hilang dgn sndirinya...dimana membutuhkan bs diartikan dalam byk hal..so mnurtku ini masalah gimana kita bs menjadi seseorang yang bisa dibuthkan yg dibutuhkan pasangan qt..wakkss ngomong ap sh??(tp yg jelas..komentator tidak mngaitkn mslh diatas dlm hubungan yg tidak diridhoiNya,hanya blaku pada hubungan yg sah :p)
a touching story....
There was once this guy who is very much in love with his girl. This romantic guy folded 1000 pieces of paper cranes as a gift to his girl. Although, at that time he was just a small fry in his company, his future doesn't seem too bright, they were very happy together.
Until one day, his girl told him she was going to Paris and will never come back. She also told him that she cannot visualise any future for the both of them, so they went their own ways there and then...
Heartbroken, the guy agreed. But when he regained his confidence, he worked hard day and night, slogging his body and mind just to make something out of himself. Finally with all the hard work and the help of friends, this guy had set up his own company... You never fail until you stop trying.
One rainy day, while this guy was driving, he saw an elderly couple sharing an umbrella in the rain walking to some destination. Even with the umbrella, they were still drenched. It didn't take him long to realize they were his girl's parents. With a heart in getting back at them, he drove slowly beside the couple, wanting them to spot him in his luxury sedan. He wanted them to know that he wasn't the same anymore, he had his own company, car, condo, etc. He made it!
What he saw next confused him, the couple was walking towards a cemetery, and so he got out of his car and followed...and he saw his girl, a photograph of her smiling sweetly as ever at him from her tombstone and he saw his paper cranes right beside her... Her parents saw him. He asked them why had this happened. They explained, she did not leave for France at all. She was ill with cancer. She had believed that he will make it someday, but she did not want to be his obstacle... therefore she had chosen to leave him.
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. She had wanted her parents to put his paper cranes beside her, because, if the day comes when fate brings him to her again...he can take some of those back with him...Once you have loved, you will always love. For what's in your mind may escape but what's in your heart will remain forever.
The guy just wept...The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside her knowing you can't have her, see her or be with her ever again... hope you understand. Find time to realize that there is one person who mean so much to you, for you might wake up one morning losing that person who you thought meant nothing to you.
and that is what love all about...
regards,
A
Cinta
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ilfil? what the hell is that??? Makanya, jangan memboroskan "api" cinta sampeyan. Santai wae, dab. Jangan terlalu "hot", hangat-hangat sajalah. Yang penting awet. Cinta yang HOT pasti karena nafsu, karena nafsu itu membakar. Tapi cinta yang tenang... dalam... membawa ketentraman dalam jiwa.... itulah cinta yang bisa anda harapkan untuk berlangsung selama mungkin.
ya... Insya 4JJI begitulah. Seperti kata Sayyidina Ali: "Jangan mencintai seseorang berlebihan, siapa tahu dia akan menjadi musuhmu. Jangan pula membenci orang secara berlebihan, siapa tahu dia akan menjadi sahabatmu."
mmmh... sounds like that.
salam.
kindly read the story below which is intersting to ponder..
While waiting to pick up a friend at the airport in Portland, Oregon, I had one of those life-changing experiences that you hear other people talk about-the kind that sneaks up on you unexpectedly.
This one occurred a mere two-feet away from me.
Straining to locate my friend among the passengers deplaning through the jet way, I noticed a man coming toward me carrying two light bags. He stopped right next to me to greet his family.
First he motioned to his youngest son (maybe six years old) as he laid down his bags. They gave each other a long, loving hug. As they separated enough to look in each other's face, I heard the father say, "It's so good to see you, son. I missed you so much!" His son smiled somewhat shyly, averted his eyes and replied softly, "Me, too, Dad!"
Then the man stood up, gazed in the eyes of his oldest son (maybe nine or ten) and while cupping his son's face in his hands said, "You're already quite the young man. I love you very much, Zach!" They too hugged a most loving, tender hug.
While this was happening, a baby girl (perhaps one- or one-and-a-half) was squirming excitedly in her mother's arms, never once taking her little eyes off the wonderful sight of her returning father.
The man said, "Hi, baby girl!" as he gently took the child from her mother. He quickly kissed her face all over and then held her close to his chest while rocking her from side to side. The little girl instantly relaxed and simply laid her head on his shoulder, motionless in pure contentment. After several moments, he handed his daughter to his oldest son and declared, "I've saved the best for last!" and proceeded to give his wife the longest, most passionate kiss I ever remember seeing.
He gazed into her eyes for several seconds and then silently mouthed. "I love you so much!" They stared at each other's eyes, beaming big smiles at one another, while holding both hands.
For an instant they reminded me of newlyweds, but I knew by the age of their> kids that they couldn't possibly be. I puzzled about it for a moment then realized how totally engrossed I was in the wonderful display of unconditional love not more than an arm's length away from me.
I suddenly felt uncomfortable, as if I was invading something sacred, but was amazed to hear my own voice nervously ask, "Wow! How long have you two been married?"
"Been together fourteen years total, married twelve of those." he replied, without breaking his gaze from his lovely wife's face.
"Well then, how long have you been away?" I asked.
The man finally turned and looked at me, still beaming his joyous smile. "Two whole days!"
Two days? I was stunned. By the intensity of the greeting, I had assumed he'd been gone for at least several weeks-if not months. I know my statement betrayed me.
I said almost offhandedly, hoping to end my intrusion with some semblance of grace (and to get back to searching for my friend), "I hope my marriage is still that passionate after twelve years!"
The man suddenly stopped smiling. He looked me straight in the eye, and with forcefulness that burned right into my soul, he told me something that left me a different person. He told me, "Don't hope, friend . . . decide!" Then he flashed me his wonderful smile again, shook my hand and said, "God bless!"
With that, he and his family turned and strode away together. I was still watching that exceptional man and his special family walk just out of sight when my friend came up to me and asked, "What 'cha looking at?" Without hesitating, and with a curious sense of certainty, I replied, "My future!"
** I am not agreeable with penulis that "..Bahwa 'Dalam suatu pernikahan, rasa cinta itu akan hilang dengan sendirinya, yang tersisa adalah rasa respect dan penghargaan kpd pasangannya' tekanan dan tanggung jawab membesarkan anak dan proteksi kultural dari masyarakat..."
I always believe that marriage is a sacred thing that needs commitment of the two parties. Love only fades away when you are no longer committed to each other and when u feel that marriage burdens you.
regards,
A
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